Our exploration of interesting, recurring behavioral patterns from
the Performance Profile continues this month. Here is another
problem profile you might see from time to time: Too Much Mr.
Nice Guy (Mr. TMNG, for short.) As always, we'll look first at
what "red flags" to look for in the Performance Profile Report and in
the interview, and then we'll look at how to deal with this person as
an applicant and as an employee.
Who Is Mr. TMNG?
Mr. TMNG is the nicest guy in the world. Everyone likes him. He
is great at establishing and maintaining rapport. He is unfailingly
pleasing and agreeable, kind and amiable to one and all. So, why is
this a problem? Isn't it good to be nice? The answer, of course, is
"yes," but, as with the use of garlic when cooking, a little bit goes a
long way.
You Know You Have Met A Mr. TMNG When…
Many people are pleasant and get along well with others, but there is
a particular pattern on the Performance Profile that can alert you to
Mr. TMNG: the combination of a rating of "4" or lower on the
Assertiveness characteristic with a rating of "7" or greater on the
Friendliness characteristic can spell future trouble. Let's look at
why.
Here's How Those Ratings Combine To Produce Mr. TMNG
The rating of "4" or lower on Assertiveness tells us this person
dislikes most types of confrontation, from mild to severe, and that
virtually any interaction with another person in which he must say
something that he suspects the other person doesn't agree with is a
confrontation. The rating of "7" or more on Friendliness means this
person feels it is his responsibility to make up for the fact that there
are unpleasant people in the world by being nice all the time, not
just when he feels like it, but even when he is having a bad day, is
low blood-sugared, sleep deprived, etc.
The combination of these two characteristics adds up to a drive to
get along with people without confrontation or negativity that has
some downsides when it comes to managing people effectively.
Why Is It A Problem To Be "Too Nice"?
There's nothing wrong with being friendly, pleasant, and amiable!
But when the need to avoid any kind of confrontation at all
combines with the drive to get along with others at any cost, you
end up with an employee who will not deliver information that
another employee needs (because he "knows" it will upset him), or a
manager who does not give subordinates clear direction and
correction (because it feels confrontive to him to tell a person they
have done something wrong, or it feels "bossy" to give "orders.")
How To Deal With Mr. TMNG As An Applicant
Mr. TMNG's manifest niceness makes for a very pleasant interview
experience. At some point during the interview, you are likely to
hear the little voice in your head saying, "I really like this guy."
And when that happens, the "halo effect" is likely to take over,
which means that it is easy, unconsciously, to generalize from "I like
this guy" to "He is perfect for the job."
This is one of those situations, however, where it is extremely
important to remind yourself that the purpose of the interview is to
find out as much as you can about the applicant's suitability for the
job in question, not to make a new best friend. Mr. TMNG's
personal style is to "take care of" everyone he comes in contact with
by keeping situations friendly and pleasant, and that certainly
includes you, the interviewer.
You can avoid this slippery slope by asking yourself how important
it is for the person filling the job in question to be super likable? Or,
put another way, how often will the person have to ask difficult
questions or deliver news that no one wants to hear?
Interview Questions
It's certainly true that most job applicants try to make a good
impression in the interview, but the Mr. TMNGs of the world add
something more. They are genuinely interested in everyone they
meet, and that includes you, Mr./Ms. Interviewer. Consequently, it
is hard not to like them in return. After all, anyone who recognizes
what a fascinating and wonderful person you are is obviously a
person who has excellent taste and acute powers of observation. It
follows that an applicant who has excellent taste, is an acute
observer, and an excellent judge of people (after all, he thinks you
are great) would make an outstanding employee, doesn't it?
In order to find out if Mr. TMNG can keep his niceness from
avoiding the tough parts of managing, ask questions like, "How
would you handle an employee who was under-performing?" "Red
flag" answers are ones that indicate that the person over-emphasizes
consideration for the other person's feelings, or for the relationship,
to the point that the message that improvement is needed may not
get sent clearly. What you want to hear are answers that indicate
that the person recognizes that sometimes it is necessary to deal
directly with difficult situations and to speak plainly and in a timely
fashion with unacceptable performers.
Look At His Work History
Mr. TMNG's work history may show what appears to be acceptably
long tenure in past jobs. This can be misleading because the Mr.
TMNGs of the world are hard for some people to terminate, even
when there is compelling evidence of low productivity or poor
management. Therefore, a respectable sounding length of tenure in
previous jobs may be more of an indication of his being given a
number of "one more chance(s)" than a sign that he was an effective
manager. That's why the next tip is so important.
Call His References
As always, try to reach a previous supervisor or coworker and ask
how Mr. TMNG handled difficult situations and awkward
conversations like terminations and reprimands. Ask the person you
are talking to about how effectively Mr. TMNG dealt with employee
problems.
Mr. TMNG On The Job
Other Performance Profile characteristics interact with Mr. TMNG's
drive to avoid confrontation and please people, and they may
produce certain specific behavior patterns. Here are a few to watch
for:
Mr. TMNG + High Intelligence = The Saboteur
High IQ gives Mr. TMNG a different dynamic. Mr. TMNG won't
directly confront others who may try to take advantage of him
because confrontations make him uncomfortable. However, his
intelligence makes him all too good at finding a way to retaliate that
he is comfortable with. For example, if his boss comes down on
him too hard, he may retaliate by "misplacing" a report so that his
boss misses a critical deadline.
Mr. TMNG + High Take Charge Tendencies = Mr. Management-By-Memo
When you see this combination, you have a Mr. TMNG who wants
to be in charge, but he doesn't want to have to tell people what to
do. He will tend to avoid face-to-face interactions about any but the most
critical communication with his team members, and he will try to manage from
afar (by memo.) He will justify doing so by saying, "I have good people who
know what to do. I don't have to go around micro-managing them." He will have
opinions about what his subordinates and coworkers should be doing, and he
will usually try to guide and direct them in a fairly remote way, but he may
not stay on top of things as he should.
Mr. TMNG + High Sociability = The Smoozer
An extroverted Mr. TMNG just loves to talk with people. As a
result, ten-minute conversations tend to take thirty minutes and
thirty-minute meetings can go on for hours. For the highly sociable
Mr. TMNG, the conversation itself is more important than the
content of the conversation. Interacting with others is so reinforcing
that the topic of the conversation is seen as just a hook upon which
to hang more talk-talk. Beware, as well, of this particular person's
tendency to try to spend too much time "smoothing things over"
when he learns that one person is upset at how another supervisor or
coworker talked to him. The danger here is that this Mr. TMNG
will end up diluting an appropriate correction or criticism in his
effort to make sure that everyone "gets along."
What's The Solution? I NEED Mr. TMNG!
Your Mr. TMNG may have a specific set of qualifications or
knowledge that you need, and so let's look at ways to make sure that
his need to avoid confrontations and always get along with people
doesn't get in the way of doing an effective job.
Mr. TMNG needs to be able to go ahead and give his subordinates
clear correction, deadlines, and feedback, even when it feel
uncomfortable to him. There are several suggestions you can make
to help him learn to do what he must do in spite of feeling
uncomfortable.
1. Plan his conversations with subordinates or co-workers in which
he must deliver criticism, correction, or what he regards as "bad
news." You may even want to role-play a few of these encounters
with him to increase his comfort level with defensive reactions.
2. Encourage him to find something (sincerely) good to say to a
subordinate or co-worker along with the criticism or correction.
3. Always model, in your dealings with him, how to express
disagreement, correction, or criticism in an even-tempered and
constructive way.
4. When he focuses on maintaining a relationship as an excuse for
otherwise unacceptable behavior, listen respectfully to his point of
view, and then return the conversation calmly to the importance of
providing appropriate feedback to the employee in order to help him
correct unacceptable behavior.
The Final Word
The Mr. TMNGs of the world provide a lot of lubrication to the
complex interactions among people working in a company, and so I
don't want to give the impression that this particular pattern is a
deal-killer! The first step, as always, is recognition of the pattern,
and then self-awareness on Mr. TMNG's part that there are times
that call for a more direct approach. From that point, coaching and
feedback can help Mr. TMNG manage his own feelings so that he
can handle difficult situations more effectively and still be a nice
guy.
