Good And Bad
Habits
A habit is an acquired
behavior pattern that is so ingrained that it has become
almost involuntary. Whether the habit is “good” or
“bad” depends mostly on the effect the behavior has on
other people; if the behavior causes anxiety, confusion,
or resentment, it’s a bad habit.
Let’s look at a specific
example: interrupting someone when they are
talking. In some situations, it’s not a big deal,
but if a person makes it a habit to interrupt
others when they are talking, it can become a
problem. The person interrupted may be the boss
that you are trying to impress, for instance, or it may
be your beloved spouse who is trying to share
character-building advice with you. In those
circumstances, it’s usually best not to
interrupt!
How Habits Get Started
(Behavior ≠ Intentions)
Most habits get started in
an entirely innocuous way: a person reacts to a
situation in a way that works, and works well. In
fact, it works so well that he or she tries it again, in
a similar situation, and perhaps it works
again. Humans, being what we are, tend to
generalize our behavior from successful situations to as
many as we can find that are close – it saves time and
is easier! Our intentions may be good, but
the downside is that we may unintentionally and
unknowingly respond according to habit, rather than
according to what the new situation requires of
us.
Very few of us set out to
develop bad habits. Our intentions are
usually at least neutral, if not downright
pure! Let’s go back to our example of the habit of
interrupting others when they speak: if you hear a
flaw in someone’s logic while he is talking, it may just
make sense to you to save time by stepping in and
pointing out the flaw. This will save you time
spent listening to a poorly reasoned argument, and it
will save the other person time spent discussing
something that you already know won’t work. And
don’t we all just love to have our mistakes
pointed out to us -- especially by a person who hasn’t
heard us out?
The person who does the
interrupting may simply have gotten in the habit of
speaking his or her thoughts as soon as they occur,
without regard for whose turn it is to speak, but it
certainly doesn’t look or feel that way to the people
around him! We can’t see a person’s intentions; all
we can see is their behavior, what they do or
say. And, unfortunately, our behavior does not
always perfectly reflect our good
intentions.
So, How Much Of A Big Deal
Are Bad Habits?
Bad habits diminish both
personal and group productivity and can lead to
misunderstandings! They can contribute to conflict
between co-workers, miscommunication, “gotcha” type
revenge efforts, and missed deadlines, just to mention a
few of the consequences. An even more extreme
consequence may be customer dissatisfaction caused, for
example, by the telephone receptionist who has a habit
of putting people on hold without asking for permission,
or the restaurant server’s habit of rolling his eyes
when dealing with difficult customers. When
customers are dissatisfied, they tend to do two
things: first, they tell others about their
dissatisfaction with your company, and second, in the
worse case scenario, they find another company to do
business with.
How To Change A Bad
Habit
Someone once said bad
habits are like warm beds; they are easier to get into
than to get out of. The best way to change a bad
habit is to swap it with a good habit. That’s
easier said than done and so, if you have a manager who
has a bad habit, here are some suggestions for helping
him or her develop a more functional habit.
1. Identify the problem behavior
and its costs. Be very specific in describing the
behavior. Describe what the behavior looks like and
then explain how it has been
misunderstood.
Cautionary
Note: Remember that most people are acting from
good intentions and they assume that their behavior
demonstrates those good intentions. You can avoid a
lot of defensiveness if you begin by talking about the
person’s good intentions before you talk about their
behavior (bad habit).
2. Talk
over what triggers this habitual behavior and then,
working together, come up with some ideas about
other ways to respond to these triggers. Ask the
person how you can help him remember not to fall into
the habitual behavior.
3. Give
the person some time and space to digest everything you
have talked about, and then follow up with a second
private conversation in which you and he agree on an
Action Plan. This Action Plan should include the
new, “good” habit that he intends to substitute for the
bad habit, an awareness of the circumstances in which it
will be hardest to remember it, and how he plans to
remind himself. Finally, it should include a
definite time, a week or so from this conversation, when
you both review his progress.
4. At the
time specified in step 3, meet with the person and
review his progress. Give him specific feedback
about the improvement(s) you have seen. If there is
still need for more effort on his part, help him revise
his Action Plan accordingly.
While most of us have good
intentions and try to act in accordance with them, we’re
usually not as aware of our own bad habits as we are of
the bad habits of those around us. When our bad
habits are pointed out, we often try to counter what we
see as an attack on our good intentions by saying things
like, “…but what I meant was…” or “… what I was trying
to do (say)….” So, if it’s part of your job to
develop and coach others, keep in mind that you need to
recognize their good intentions first and then point out
how their behavior is sabotaging those good
intentions. Use the suggestions above to help those
people avoid defensiveness while developing better
habits. 
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